3 Unusual Things I Did That Helped Me Worry Less
I used to worry all the time. I’d wake up anxious and instantly feel on edge. I’d fall to sleep replaying things that I’d said that day and preparing for what was to come tomorrow.
My days were spent endlessly planning - everything from the small things like knowing where the closest toilet was to how I was going to make sure that big project went well. I’d regularly catastrophise about things that might go wrong, endlessly overthink things and constantly doubt myself.
Worrying became such a familiar experience I came to believe that I was just a worrier. Not the end of the world I thought, I’d learned how to manage and cope pretty well - but by my mid thirties it was taking an ever increasing toll on me. I wasn’t really living anymore, I was just surviving.
I didn’t want to live that way, I believed that I could be happy - so I went on a journey of self-discovery to find out how.
One of the key parts of that journey became the real world experiments I ran. I’ve shared three below that were a key part of undoing so much of what made me worry all the time…
I Did Things Wrong On Purpose
This is one of my favourite things I did. A big part of why I worried so much was the fear of making a mistake or getting something wrong. To me, that would’ve been the end of the world, which is why I worked so hard to avoid this happening. I believed I needed to be perfect. The idea of being told off or receiving negative feedback just wasn’t something I could entertain.
As I became aware of all of this, I decided if that’s what I’m so afraid of, let’s see what happens if we make some mistakes on purpose. I told myself “it’s just an experiment”. These intentional mistakes weren’t big things for most people, but to me they were huge.
I started putting intentional typos in emails.
I started being late to meetings and social events.
I would ‘forget’ to do something someone asked.
I would call someone the wrong name.
I didn’t park between the lines in car parks!
Each of these scenarios became a mini experiment to show myself that the world doesn’t end if you make a mistake. And the funny thing was, hardly anyone noticed, and on the few occasions they did it was a little comment such as “oh Paul, there’s a small typo in that thing, fix that and it’s all good to be sent, great work”.
It might seem crazy, but doing things like hitting send on an email with a known typo included felt like the hardest thing to do. The more intentional ‘mistakes’ I made, the more I really started to see that you don’t need to be perfect - and more importantly, if someone did call me out on something, I could handle that too.
I Did Things Without A Plan
My go to way of coping with all the fear, doubt and worry was planning.
I would LOVE spending hours thinking about the future, imagining possible scenarios, making plans, back up plans and just being really prepared. Planning gave me a sense of control - enough to cope with whatever uncertainty that I was facing.
Because of this I tried to plan, predict and control as much of my life as possible. It was an impossible task, but also looked like the only option, I just thought if I get really good at planning everything will be OK.
What I didn’t realise until much later was the cost of this approach. Endlessly thinking about the future was an exhausting, never ending job that didn’t give me the experience of life I wanted. My world got smaller and the things I did do were so rigid and stressful, I couldn’t really enjoy them anyway.
Seeing all of this, I decided to start doing things without all the usual planning processes I had.
I would choose a new cafe to visit, set directions in Google maps and just go. No looking at what parking was there or if they had toilets or anything. I had to figure it all out along the way.
This wasn’t comfortable at all to start with. I would have a lot of thinking and what if-ing going on - but I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life endless thinking, planning and worry - so I kept doing it.
With each unplanned excursion I started to see that I was actually so much more capable and resourceful to figure things out as I went. I also loved the reduced stress, pressure and effort that normal situations required. I was seeing for the first time in my life more present and figuring it out step by step.
I Did Things Differently
Another big part of coping with what I saw as a chaotic and uncertain world was having routines and keeping to familiar places or experiences. I had a certain route home. I had my favourite places. I had friends I felt comfortable with. On the one hand this suited me well, it kept life feeling more safe and familiar. But on the other hand it kept it predictable and not as exciting as it could be.
So, I decided to start doing some of my routine things differently. I wanted to break myself out of this small safe world and show myself that not only was variety or change OK, but that it could be exciting.
I started driving home different ways - this became a fun part of my life where I felt like I was on a little adventure.
I went to new places for dog walks with Button - I found so many amazing new places that I enjoyed (the possibility of even better cake than I’d had before became a real draw to go new places!).
I ordered something different from my favourite Chinese takeaway (and found some really tasty dishes!).
When I noticed I was in an overly fixed routine with something, I would experiment doing it differently. With each new experience I started to see that so much of my routines weren’t because they made me feel alive, but were just another way of coping and keeping me safe.
My brain would often kick off and be very noisy with initial changes - what if this happens? What if it’s not as good? We like our normal way? I ignored these thoughts and followed through with the new thing.
And yes, sometimes things were worse. But in those moments I realised, I’d rather have a few things not go how I thought they might if it means it opens up a world of new possibilities. Because at the end of my life I know I’m not going to be glad I did the same things over and over - I’ll want to have had lots of different unique experiences.
Experimenting With Worry
To most people the experiments I ran might seem very normal things, but to me they were huge. Not only that they helped me see myself and life differently in such a way that I worried less and less and less.
Maybe you want to give experimenting with worry a try? You don’t have to tell anyone, keep them to yourself if you need to. Feel free to borrow some of mine or get curious what experiments would be really powerful for you to give a try.
Approach them with a playful curiosity and see what happens.
Paul
