3 Unusual Things I Did That Helped Me Worry Less
I used to worry all the time. I’d wake up anxious and instantly feel on edge. I’d fall to sleep replaying things that I’d said that day and preparing for what was to come tomorrow.
My days were spent endlessly planning - everything from the small things like knowing where the closest toilet was to how I was going to make sure that big project went well. I’d regularly catastrophise about things that might go wrong, endlessly overthink things and constantly doubt myself.
Worrying became such a familiar experience I came to believe that I was just a worrier. Not the end of the world I thought, I’d learned how to manage and cope pretty well - but by my mid thirties it was taking an ever increasing toll on my life. I wasn’t really living, I was just surviving.
I didn’t want to live that way, so I went on a journey of self-discovery to change it. An unexpected key part of what would help me worry less, was real world experiments I ran. Below are three of them that as I look back had a big impact on my life - and if you’re a worrier, you can try them too.
I Did Things Wrong On Purpose
This is one of my favourite things I did. A big part of why I worried so much was the fear of making a mistake or getting something wrong. To me, that would’ve been the end of the world, which is why I worked so hard to avoid this happening. I believed I needed to be perfect. The idea of being told off or receiving negative feedback just wasn’t something I could entertain.
As I became aware of all of this, I decided if that’s what I’m so afraid of, let’s see what happens if we make some mistakes on purpose. I told myself “it’s just an experiment”. These intentional mistakes weren’t big things for most people, but to me they were huge.
I started putting intentional typos in emails.
I started being late to meetings and social events.
I would ‘forget’ to do something someone asked.
I would call someone the wrong name.
Each of these scenarios became mini experiments to show myself that the world doesn’t end if you make a mistake. And the funny thing was, hardly anyone noticed, and on the few occasions they did it was a little comment such as “oh Paul, there’s a small typo in that thing, fix that and it’s all good to be sent, great work”.
In time I found myself feeling like I could do things that had more potential for mistakes or getting things wrong - not because I wanted them to, but because I knew I could handle the feedback or comments should they happen.
I Did Things Without A Plan
As a former worrier, my go to way of coping was planning.
I would LOVE spending hours thinking about the future, imagining possible scenarios, making plans, back up plans and just being really prepared. Planning gave me a sense of control - enough to cope with whatever uncertainty that I was facing.
Because of this I tried to plan, predict and control as much of my life as possible. It was an impossible task, but also looked like the only option, I just thought if I get really good at planning everything will be OK.
What I didn’t realise until much later was the cost of this approach. Endlessly thinking about the future was an exhausting, never ending job that didn’t give me the experience of life I wanted. My world got smaller and the things I did do were so rigid and stressful, I couldn’t really enjoy them anyway.
Seeing all of this, I decided to start doing things without all the usual planning processes I had.
I would choose a new cafe to visit, set directions in Google maps and just go. No looking at what parking was there or if they had toilets or anything. I had to figure it all out along the way.
I would go out and drive, no plan of where to go just taking myself out and seeing where I ended up. I let myself just enjoy the act of driving and seeing where the road took me.
I found these experiments some of the most uncomfortable I did, it went against every fibre of my being to not plan and my mind had all these scary stories about what could happen. But that was the point. I wanted to show myself that I was so much more capable than I realised.
With each experiment not only did I show myself that I could navigate life without planning, it could also be fun and exciting. Over time I found I had so much less thinking going on, I didn’t need to remember a plan, think about a plan, think about what was coming next - I was just in the moment figuring it out step by step. What a relief!
I Did Routine Things Differently
One of the things I noticed in my life was that I liked routines and kept to familiar places or experiences. I had a certain route home. I had my favourite places. I had friends I felt comfortable with. On the one hand this suited me well, it kept life feeling more safe and familiar. But on the other hand it kept it predictable and not as exciting as it could be.
So, I decided to start doing anything that was in my routines differently. I wanted to break myself out of this small safe world and show myself that not only was variety or change OK, but that it could be exciting.
I went to new places for dog walks with Button - I found so many amazing new places that I enjoyed.
I started driving home different ways - this became a fun part of my life where I felt like I was on a little adventure.
When I noticed I was in an overly fixed routine, I would experiment doing it differently. As I experimented with this I became very aware how much of my life was about feeling safe rather than alive.
I’ve not become someone who has no routines or structure, but this experiment does serve as a great reminder when I’ve got a bit too comfortable and could do with shaking things up a bit.
Experimenting With Worry
I loved running these experiments because it helped me see for myself so many of the things I’d been learning from books and various teachers. And in the process of running them I learned more about myself that I would never have discovered if I’d kept reading more books or listening to more podcasts.
To most people the experiments I ran might seem very normal things, but to me and you they are huge. You don’t have to tell anyone, keep them to yourself if you need to. The key thing I found is doing the experiments that were right for me (don’t just copy mine, get curious what experiments would challenge your beliefs around worry, anxiety or fear).
Approach them with a playful curiosity and just seeing what happens. They’re experiments, you never quite know how they’ll go, but whatever happens you learn a lot along the way.
Happy experimenting,
Paul
