As a child I struggled with worrying and living in fear. I found ways to cope which centred around endlessly planning and trying to control as much as I could. I learned how to act happy but never really felt it, big feelings were pushed down as they just became too much.

As I grew up I became even more conscious of myself, trying to fit in, wanting to be loved, trying to get approval all of which fed into my lack of self worth and need to try and control things to be OK.

In my early twenties I had a 5 year window where things were OK. I became a 'nice' guy who played whatever role he needed to feel OK and be included. By my late thirties then married and running my own business all my struggles were getting worse and starting to take a real tole on me.

Physical symptoms, depression, hiding from life and while from the outside it looked like all was good, on the inside I was slowly dying. Which brings us to...

2017 - Being told... I don’t love you anymore, I want a divorce. Completely lost. Confused. Stressed. Physical symptoms. Panic attacks. Nightmares. Moved out on Xmas eve.

2018 - moved in with nan & started house sitting. Working 12-15 hour days so I didn’t feel the pain I was experiencing. Low point, depressed & feeling completely lost (told a coach while sobbing ‘I don’t know who I am’). Trying to fix myself & find answers to what was wrong with me. Unknowingly started a key practice that would be fundamental in my healing journey - self awareness. One day, I had the idea that on my dog walks with Button rather than listening to podcasts I would listen to the thoughts inside my head.

2019 - moved in with my parents, still heartbroken & just coping with life as best I could. Portraying a happy life on social media to cover up my increasing inner turmoil & depression. A coach told me to listen to my heart, once again sobbing, I said... I don't know how to, it's broken.

2020 - started working behind the scenes for a handful of transformational coaches & spiritual teachers. Learned so much about spirituality, philosophy and life - the ideas I was introduced to had a profound impact on my experience of life (overthinking, worrying & living in fear so much less). I ended a short relationship knowing I needed to do a lot more inner work to just be OK in myself before I could healthily be with someone. Moved to Spain for 3 months, drove back to UK before Brexit (1500 miles in 2 days to arrive at a cold damp cottage, laid on the floor cuddling Button crying).

2021 - went into a cocoon of healing & self exploration. This was some of the most important and life changing inner work I did. Discomfort, tears, struggles, challenges, hard truths, learning and so much more. Shared publicly about my struggles on social media. This was when I started my stick note collection of ideas that I found helpful. Came out of the cocoon in the Summer only to realise there was more inner work, healing and explorations to be done (I was excited about the life I had and the direction it was on).

2022 - I continued the life changing practices of self awareness & exploration - taking them to new levels with more experiments to uncover the deeper beliefs and stories that were limiting from really playing all out in life. Increasingly living an aligned life that felt so much more easeful than ever before - following my gut and heart making courageous decisions to go after the life I really wanted (moved out of my cottage not knowing where I'd end up - life then presented me with the opportunity to live with one of the teachers I was working for)

2023 - continued my explorations and went through periods of being pulled to share more - but then not feeling ready / not quite having the courage yet to own that I wanted to be a coach. Consciously dating open to meeting my dream partner - which is May I did, Kirsty Skinner, who after a short while I realised was everything I was looking for and so much more! Loving life more and more, continuing my explorations and laying the foundations for a relationship and life that Kirsty & I both always wanted.

2024 - we decided to move out our cosy flat (nicknamed The Retreat) to be digital nomads doing house sitting & going on some adventures. More and more I was embodying the version I always knew was inside me (courageously creating an aligned life, taking risks and really embracing life). Made the decision to pivot my work to what I really wanted to be doing; coaching, running courses, writing books, creating card decks sharing the ideas and experiences that had helped me. As of writing in August 2024 we have a few more weeks left in the UK before heading off to Spain for 3 months! 

What happens beyond that, I really don't know - and as a testament to how far I've come, even as I might try to worry or feel easy about not knowing I can't - for me it's just the most exciting thing that I am living this life and on a path that feels truly exciting like never before.